Of Skanks & Weirdos (Part III)
The Serpent That Doesn’t Eat Chicken

Who has ever heard of a snake that doesn’t eat chicken? Well, I was acquainted with one for a short while.
Again, HM was a workmate of a rank higher than me. At the advertising agency, she was Number 3.1, but lorded over almost everyone. On the hierarchy, 3.2 was an angel by comparison, but that’s another story meant for another time. I suspect HM was slightly delusional and while most other regular people suffered some form of low self-esteem, she had an extremely inflated opinion of herself. I also found out that she absolutely hated chicken and refused to consume any. Strange one.
Three months into the job, the agency found itself in the midst of money troubles. When I suggested that department heads take a paycut to save jobs as well as the agency, she violently opposed, questioning the longevity and effectiveness of such a paycut. In response to the money troubles, the agency had to shave off jobs.
The atmosphere at the agency got jittery and uneasy. Productivity fell in tandem with the increase in the number of smoking breaks – people needed to “chat” about the situation.
One day during lunch break, HM returned to the office from her no-chicken lunch to find a photo of herself defaced with the illustration of a serpent’s tongue extending from her lips. The same photograph was photocopied in multiples so that every department received one, in full colour! HM was apoplectic. The wrath of the serpent was indeed monumental. I, however, found myself fixated on the irony of a serpent that does not eat chicken. Throughout history, I don’t think there has ever been one. It’s so unnatural that I doubt there have been any legends about a serpent that doesn’t eat chicken. It’s as if I had to come to terms with a herbivorous lion or tiger. Chickens were made to be eaten. If you think about it, they are the slow (walking) food that ensures the survival of every carnivorous mammal. If she had heard the laughter ringing through my entire being, she would have hissed and spat venom at me.