I fell again. It was 30 November. as the month turned a new chapter. I think it was my third fall in a matter of four years. Unlike the first two, only my confidence took a hit. I did not sustain any series injury. A nasty bruise appeared on my left knee a day or two later, but there was nothing more series than that. However, I had difficulty finding my confidence.
Confidence was never innate for me. I was, by nature, an introvert. As a child, I had very little confidence and low self-esteem. In primary school, I kept mostly to myself. This behavior continued into secondary school till I was about 15. I was quiet most of the time, and I kept to myself. I had few friends and I spoke to them only when it was necessary. When I was asked to read aloud a few paragraphs of a Chinese text in class, I froze from stage fright,which often
haunted me. However, I discovered English LDDS and joined the English Drama Company in school. I loved every minute of it, but episodes of stage fright continued to haunt me, often at the most crucial times.
In junior college, I was in the debating team of my class. In the interclass debates,I was named“best speaker” in almost every round, except during the semi-finals and finals. I worked and practiced very hard for every single round, but when it came to the finals, I was really tired and remember my mind drawing a blank in front of the entire Arts Faculty. There was nothing in my mind, and nothing came out of my mouth. I wished the ground would just open up and swallow
me.
Many years later, a similar incident occurred at work. I had been working about 7 years and was very good at my job. I joined as an Account Executive and rose to the rank of Account Director in a matter of five years. I was leading a team and making sales presentations almost everyday.
I was once asked to do a company presentation and sales pitch in five minutes. I did and was awarded the account.But I was bored. I had gotten so good at my job, I was bored and needed a change of environment. So I resigned and joined an advertising agency.
The Singapore office of the international agency was hosting its annual regional Directors’ Meeting. All agency directors as well as heads of department were gathering in Singapore for a week of updates and sharing at Sentosa. I was the latest addition to the Singapore office and as part of a game, I had to present something to t people from every office in the region. I suddenly suffered an attack of stage fright again and went silent. There was a moment of awkward silence before my managing director stepped in and saved the presentation.

I ramble. I guess I should be getting back to nursing my fall. More physiotherapy to regain my confidence.